I have a tattoo. A great little number that my sister designed for me more than 3 years ago and which I have been living with for just as long. My tattoo is on my left forearm, pretty apt as an engagement ring graced my left ring finger for a less than a third of the time prior to me getting inked. I get to wake up every morning and look at my tattoo and think of how much I love it. Any time I need cheering up its a simple matter of turning my arm over slightly and gazing at the beauty of my tattoo. I miss my tattoo in Winter, it takes much more PT to look at it in these chilly months, but it makes me love it that much more each Summer as I run around in short sleeved t-shirts free to gaze at this declaration of difference and individuality. My tattoo is a statement that will remain on my arm until my skin rots and disintegrates off my bones one day.
As the popular saying goes, Kanye West uses it in lyrics to one of his songs, “Diamonds are Forever”. Sterns and various other jewelers have also coined the phrase. Hence, giving diamonds as engagement presents and setting them in wedding rings. Diamonds are meant to represent something that isn’t going to end. In this case, the relationship, the love you share as a couple. Marriage. I am completely freaked out about this whole forever thing, perhaps also why I’m not so keen on diamonds. I know what you’re thinking. “Why does this mad woman have a tattoo then?” And that is a valid question. Good thinking.
I guess my tattoo represents everything about who I am. And although it was pretty painful to get I want another one. This one a little bigger and a little brighter and certainly more expensive. To me my tattoos set me apart from everyone else, they’re an expression of my freedom. A wedding ring would be an expression of my non-freedom.
But its more than that. With a tattoo its me only. If I make a mistake and choose the wrong artist or get the wrong colours that’s my fault. My mistakes don’t bear on anyone else’s life and there is no one else who’s mistakes can bear on mine. My tattoo isn’t going to cheat on me. I won’t outgrow it. Well I might but lets see how we go [If I keep eating cake as often as I do I just might stretch it out of proportion!]. And even if I do outgrow it, my tattoo and I certainly can’t grow apart. It’s impossible.
When it comes to another human being, saying forever is a promise I’m not sure I can keep. And I don’t know if it’s fair to expect them to keep it either. When it comes to people, forever is naive. I don’t know what the future holds and I have no idea how things will pan out. I cannot make a promise that is just so expansive and so difficult to see to the end. People do outgrow one another, I know it makes us sound like jerseys or jeans, but it’s kind of how we are. There is the possibility that just like your favourite top when you were in your 20’s just isn’t your favourite top now that you’re in your 40’s, your life partner may not be your favourite anymore either.
And what about death? When we say “I’ll love you forever” do we really mean “I’ll love you until you die and then I plan to love someone new”? All relationships end. Any good lawyer setting up your prenuptial contracts will tell you that “all relationships end, in death or divorce”. Not the greatest thing to hear months before the big day, as my friend will attest to. But never the less the truth. Does forever in this case mean, “I’ll move on but I wont forget you”?
So it’s not that I’m afraid of commitment. I certainly am not. I have had several long-term relationships (not only with my tattoo). So it can’t be that. And I am not afraid of change. I just know that it’s probably the only thing that will remain constant when it comes to people, whether it’s us or others we can always count on someone changing (not necessarily to our will though or when we need them to) but if its not them it most certainly will be us.